Redemption

Dear diary i have lost myself. The more i realized what jas taken from me and my battle between love and hate.prayer and hope. Wishing on a star and desiring a come back. I have to admitt failure and move along according to my own propose in life. Loving deeply never hurt so emessely. I don’t even think i was crying for  more i think about my son death. I believe I was crying for the lost of my kids. The man words took everything from me. The false love and hopes of a family took another man love from me Jesse. But Jesse was already sick and praying on the weak. Me a lonely heart and i dont care heart allow a man to come in warm it and take it away like a theft in the night. I actually went number from the deciet he has caused me. It was much to carry. But lord as you are a good merciful god. I thank you for my struggles because only you could let me get thru this with damage that could have occurred self inflicted or not. I can’t decide if i love this man or angry at this man but. I do know i need to let it go and allow you to handle it. Patient is what I been in school for learning life lesson the hard way. Trying to maintian a level of integrity to keep me calm. The devil keep showing me things alone my mind do this hahaha and i know its wrong show I’m pleading the blood of jesus over me and my kids and my family. Its only so much we can take and im at my limits so you can trust and bless me lord…amen